Off To The Races

I go a day without blogging and so much stuff happens that I wonder how I will fit it all in one post. Before, I was feeling like my life was at a stalemate and my posts were getting a little redundant. Nothing was going on so I had nothing to write about. Now things have gone from a standstill to a full on sprint. I have three stories to tell. I’ll separate them into paragraphs.

The first is an update on E. So you know how on Facebook if you break up with someone it says “_____ has gone from in a relationship to single”? Well E had one of those and of course people commented. His cousin commented “wooo!” and then his ex-girlfriend’s friends got into a fight with her on the status. It was really mature. But from reading what they said I have come to the conclusion that the reason E broke up with his girlfriend is because he is gay. At first it hit me like a ton of bricks, but now it’s all starting to make sense. It explains why he was never touchy feely with his girlfriend and why they seemed to lack the attachment that most couples of three years have. I decided to forgo sending a message to him, because of this new theory. I want to be more positive about this before I say anything to him about it.

Next story is about a guy I’m going to call Z. At the beginning of the year I went to a party at Bryan’s fraternity with S and a few other friends. At the party I met Z. He said he thought I was really cute and had adorable dimples. Anyways, I danced with him like all night. When the party was winding down, he offered to walk me home. We ended up making a pitt stop at his apartment and fooling around a bit. Nothing major happened. I didn’t want to spend the night because I had CPR class at 9 am, but he wanted me to. So I went home. The next morning he texted me asking if I made it to my class on time. I said yes and then I didn’t hear from him again until Thursday night (4 weeks later). He IMed me on Facebook asking how I was. I told him about my surgery and he was all concerned. He also said we should hang out whenever I get back to school and I should text him sometime. I want to know WTF is up with this guy. Why would he IM me out of the blue four weeks later? I don’t like that. I also don’t understand why he would do that. It feels shady to me.

Finally, I need to talk about last night. It was another party at Bryan’s fraternity. I went with S and A. S was off doing her own thing so I pretty much spent the whole time with A. I wasn’t really interested in meeting anybody or being grinded on by a random stranger, so I focused on helping A with the guy she likes there. His name is Cameron and they would be perfect for each other. Cameron actually asked her to dinner on Wednesday so I’m pretty excited about that. Anyways, I wanted to leave A along with him so I went to find S. I found her and she introduced me to another brother there named G (I’m going to run out of letters soon). G was really cool. He’s an Energy Engineering and Finance major. I thought that was really impressive. He was also sober that night so it was nice to talk to a guy that wasn’t slurring. I slept with him in the end. I was really attracted to him and last night I had this “I may die on Monday so I might as well live it up” mentality. I don’t regret it. Afterwards, he drove me home in his truck (I like trucks) and we listened to Kid Cudi (one of my favorite rappers). When I got upstairs, he had already friended me on Facebook and left me a message saying that he really liked me and he wasn’t the type of guy to sleep with a girl and then never see her again. He also texted me today and we talked for a little bit. So we’ll see where all this goes. I’m not the type to ever get my hopes up or have expectations. I am curious though. I don’t understand men. In my mind it’s very possible that I will never hear from him again. I guess I’ll just be pleasantly surprised if something actually comes of this.

A Difference In Values

I’m actually alone right now (which is a big deal because I live with three other girls). I wanted to write another post without any roommates distracting me. My mind is awfully muddled right now. I’m still a little upset about D. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Mostly because I had to retell the story in person to each of my friends. I’ve told it about four times in the past two days. This ones pretty easy to get over. But explaining what happened has slowed down the process a bit.

My friends say I have mojo, because when we go to parties guys hit on me more then anyone else. I’m not really that flattered by this. For a while, after I broke up with P, it did help with my self esteem. Before that time, I hadn’t really realized that I was pretty at all. I didn’t have a lot of confidence, and I also didn’t think a guy that wasn’t a nerd would ever be attracted to me. Now I know that I was very wrong. Anyways, now it’s not a big deal to me that some drunk guy deemed me cute enough to have sex with. It’s still nice, but as a female I want a man to be attracted to me for my personality as well as looks. I want to be asked on a date, not asked back to his place to fuck.

Guys ask S out on dates a lot. She’s never happy about it though. That really bothers me. There’s always some reason why they aren’t good enough for her. She tells me she wishes hot men hit on her more like they did me. I wonder why she can’t be happy with the fact that a guy really likes her personality and wants to take time to get to know her. I think she gets asked out a lot because she has a very warm and bubbly personality. She’s very inviting and easy to talk to. I can see how guys who normally wouldn’t have the confidence to invite a girl on a date would feel comfortable with her. In fact, S is on a date right now. This one is “not her type”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this guy either. That’s what gets me the most about this. So what? He’s not buff enough? Well what about the fact that he cares about you and wants you to be happy, isn’t that important? I don’t think S values this very much. Or perhaps I value it too much, because of what happened with P. For me, it’s the most important trait a man can have. I am never going to be with someone who doesn’t value me and treat me with respect ever again.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not jealous of the amount of dates she gets asked on. I never get jealous of my friends. In fact, I’m happy for her. I just wish she could be happy for herself. I know my friends feel bad for me sometimes. The looks I got when I told my story about D were ones of extreme pity. I really wish they wouldn’t pity me. I’ve drawn a few bad cards from the deck of life. It’s okay though and I’m going to be okay. Like I’ve said many times, I have faith and patience. I also feel fortunate because I’ve learned a lot of important lessons early. Granted, what happened to me was not fortunate, but I am glad I won’t be making those mistakes later in life when I have a lot more to lose.