Closure I Will Never Find


I think something every victim is waiting for is for some higher power to come down from the skies and say the words, “You are forgiven. It is not your fault.” That’s the hardest part of the recovery process in my opinion. It is very hard to accept that you had no control over the situation. That there is nothing you could have done but survive. I certainly haven’t accepted that. I doubt I ever will.

The other thing that I want is a chance to confront P. Now that I’m strong and independent, I’m not afraid of him anymore. I wish I could make him face what he did to me. I know this isn’t ever going to happen either though. Even if I ever did speak with him again, I doubt he would listen. He would turn my words against me and make it my fault most likely.

So I’m at a loss. The two things I need to move beyond this are basically impossible to achieve. I will never accept that I was a mere victim, that I could not have changed the situation and saved myself. I am also never going to get to see my abuser feel any regret or remorse for what he has done. So how do I move beyond this? Where is closure found? Where is inner peace found? I’ve been searching for the answers to these questions for over 2 years now. I haven’t come any closer to finding them. I wonder if I ever will.

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One thought on “Closure I Will Never Find

  1. Being a victim of anything is the worst feeling I have ever know. It makes you feel weak and vulnerable. It can make you scared and resentful of people. From reading your blog I think we have been in similar situations, with very different endings.

    Closure is found from within. It is being able to put those memories in their own special place. It doesn’t mean that you can never bring it up again or that it won’t creep up on you. It means that you acknowledge it, console yourself again, and put it away.

    The way to move on is simple live for the future.

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