The Art Of Conversation

First of all, I’d just like to say I am very blessed to have the followers I have on WordPress. I’m currently sending an endless amount of appreciation out to all of you. I’d especially like to thank A Living Oddity for recently mention me in his blog. I encourage all of my readers to check him out. He’s a great writer.

I realized today that something revolutionary is occurring in my life right now. I was sitting at my desk trying to think of something to write about tonight. I’ve just returned from my five hour EMT lab, and finally finished my organic chemistry homework. I’ve had pretty bad writers block for the past hour. I thought about my past blog topics…love, men, relationships, break-ups, etc. I realized that for the first time since I was a young girl, I don’t have a man in my life. When I say man in my life, I mean a guy that I consistently talk to. It’s strange, not negative, but strange. I’m definitely an IMer. I enjoy using Gchat to communicate with people. Before I used Gchat I used AIM (those were the days…). And ever since I’ve been using AIM I’ve had one boy or another chatting me.

I say all this, because I’ve officially given up on D. I’m so over it and it’s not worth fussing about anymore so I removed him from my chat list. Now it is free of all boys. It’s half refreshing and half sad. I like having male friends to talk to. They offer a different perspective that my roommates and other girlfriends cannot provide. Talking to guys is also nice because they never whine about drama like girls have a tendency to do. I love my friends and I love chatting with them, but sometimes they make me want to pull my hair out. Females are such sensitive creatures. I find they are quite easily upset or offended. I’m probably guilty of this behavior too. Talking to men, at least for me, is grounding. It brings you back down to Earth and reminds you that not everyone’s brain is filled with thoughts about cat fights, “Does he like me or not?” or other miscellaneous gossip. I suppose for now I’ll just have to keep myself grounded.

A Difference In Values

I’m actually alone right now (which is a big deal because I live with three other girls). I wanted to write another post without any roommates distracting me. My mind is awfully muddled right now. I’m still a little upset about D. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Mostly because I had to retell the story in person to each of my friends. I’ve told it about four times in the past two days. This ones pretty easy to get over. But explaining what happened has slowed down the process a bit.

My friends say I have mojo, because when we go to parties guys hit on me more then anyone else. I’m not really that flattered by this. For a while, after I broke up with P, it did help with my self esteem. Before that time, I hadn’t really realized that I was pretty at all. I didn’t have a lot of confidence, and I also didn’t think a guy that wasn’t a nerd would ever be attracted to me. Now I know that I was very wrong. Anyways, now it’s not a big deal to me that some drunk guy deemed me cute enough to have sex with. It’s still nice, but as a female I want a man to be attracted to me for my personality as well as looks. I want to be asked on a date, not asked back to his place to fuck.

Guys ask S out on dates a lot. She’s never happy about it though. That really bothers me. There’s always some reason why they aren’t good enough for her. She tells me she wishes hot men hit on her more like they did me. I wonder why she can’t be happy with the fact that a guy really likes her personality and wants to take time to get to know her. I think she gets asked out a lot because she has a very warm and bubbly personality. She’s very inviting and easy to talk to. I can see how guys who normally wouldn’t have the confidence to invite a girl on a date would feel comfortable with her. In fact, S is on a date right now. This one is “not her type”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this guy either. That’s what gets me the most about this. So what? He’s not buff enough? Well what about the fact that he cares about you and wants you to be happy, isn’t that important? I don’t think S values this very much. Or perhaps I value it too much, because of what happened with P. For me, it’s the most important trait a man can have. I am never going to be with someone who doesn’t value me and treat me with respect ever again.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not jealous of the amount of dates she gets asked on. I never get jealous of my friends. In fact, I’m happy for her. I just wish she could be happy for herself. I know my friends feel bad for me sometimes. The looks I got when I told my story about D were ones of extreme pity. I really wish they wouldn’t pity me. I’ve drawn a few bad cards from the deck of life. It’s okay though and I’m going to be okay. Like I’ve said many times, I have faith and patience. I also feel fortunate because I’ve learned a lot of important lessons early. Granted, what happened to me was not fortunate, but I am glad I won’t be making those mistakes later in life when I have a lot more to lose.