I’m actually alone right now (which is a big deal because I live with three other girls). I wanted to write another post without any roommates distracting me. My mind is awfully muddled right now. I’m still a little upset about D. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Mostly because I had to retell the story in person to each of my friends. I’ve told it about four times in the past two days. This ones pretty easy to get over. But explaining what happened has slowed down the process a bit.
My friends say I have mojo, because when we go to parties guys hit on me more then anyone else. I’m not really that flattered by this. For a while, after I broke up with P, it did help with my self esteem. Before that time, I hadn’t really realized that I was pretty at all. I didn’t have a lot of confidence, and I also didn’t think a guy that wasn’t a nerd would ever be attracted to me. Now I know that I was very wrong. Anyways, now it’s not a big deal to me that some drunk guy deemed me cute enough to have sex with. It’s still nice, but as a female I want a man to be attracted to me for my personality as well as looks. I want to be asked on a date, not asked back to his place to fuck.
Guys ask S out on dates a lot. She’s never happy about it though. That really bothers me. There’s always some reason why they aren’t good enough for her. She tells me she wishes hot men hit on her more like they did me. I wonder why she can’t be happy with the fact that a guy really likes her personality and wants to take time to get to know her. I think she gets asked out a lot because she has a very warm and bubbly personality. She’s very inviting and easy to talk to. I can see how guys who normally wouldn’t have the confidence to invite a girl on a date would feel comfortable with her. In fact, S is on a date right now. This one is “not her type”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this guy either. That’s what gets me the most about this. So what? He’s not buff enough? Well what about the fact that he cares about you and wants you to be happy, isn’t that important? I don’t think S values this very much. Or perhaps I value it too much, because of what happened with P. For me, it’s the most important trait a man can have. I am never going to be with someone who doesn’t value me and treat me with respect ever again.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not jealous of the amount of dates she gets asked on. I never get jealous of my friends. In fact, I’m happy for her. I just wish she could be happy for herself. I know my friends feel bad for me sometimes. The looks I got when I told my story about D were ones of extreme pity. I really wish they wouldn’t pity me. I’ve drawn a few bad cards from the deck of life. It’s okay though and I’m going to be okay. Like I’ve said many times, I have faith and patience. I also feel fortunate because I’ve learned a lot of important lessons early. Granted, what happened to me was not fortunate, but I am glad I won’t be making those mistakes later in life when I have a lot more to lose.