When I was younger I thought that I would get to a point in life where decisions would come easily. I expected that maturity would allow me the ability to know what to do. I’m quickly learning that it is actually the complete opposite. Decisions keep getting harder and more important. I’m hoping I might be getting better at making them (we’ll see about that), but the thought is seriously weighing on me.
I spent a long time grappling with whether or not to accept this medical school offer that will take me to Australia. I have decided I’m going to take it. While I should be happy that my dream of being a doctor is going to come true, I am absolutely terrified. I know that I will have to leave everything behind. I will be alone in a foreign country. I have to trust that I have the strength to get through anything that happens without the support of my family members. I think that I do, but it’s been a long time since I put that much faith in myself.
I also don’t trust my decision making process. I’m worried I might be making the wrong choice. I have made so many wrong choices in the past. So many terrible decisions that effected me so negatively. I don’t think going to Australia will have such negative outcomes, but I’m still paranoid. It’s just the past. The past that’s still heavy on my mind.
JJ was surprisingly helpful while I was trying to figure out what to do. I know there’s no way he wants me to move half a world away. But after I told him I thought I should do it I just wasn’t sure wasn’t sure if I had the strength, he helped convince me that I could. I guess I just need to have more faith in myself. I have come a long way, and there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to do this. I just need to believe.