Let me preface this post by saying I’ve been up since 4:30 am and I went to bed at 11 pm. I struggle with insomnia. Last night I woke up from a dream and thought I saw a man in my room. It was just the lights playing tricks on me, but it still really freaked me out. I think the ensuing adrenaline rush kept me awake after that. Eventually, at 7 am, I just gave up on sleeping and got up to start the day.
Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I’m one of those people that needs 8 hours of sleep to function at any level. I also don’t do napping really well so I’ve just been in a state of zombie all day. Anyways, I got some “fantastic” news today (and I say fantastic dripping with sarcasm). I might be infertile and I’m not ovulating. I won’t go into details since I know I have male followers, but basically nothing is in sync down there.
My doctor considered a variety of options for why I’m having these issues. None of them were enjoyable. The infertility is one of them. Another lovely idea that was thrown out there was a tumor on my pituitary gland. After my heart surgery the last thing I want is more medical issues. Here goes another barrage of tests…
Honestly, what’s hitting me really hard and scaring me the most is the infertility. I really want to have children, just not for another 10ish years. Also, I hear that requires a willing male sperm donor. All jokes aside, the thought that it might not even be possible is killing me. My heart is sinking as I read the list of tests for the lab to run and the subscript says “infertility” under a majority of them. I’m 19! I haven’t even had my chance. Being a mom is just one of those natural urges I’ve had my entire life. I don’t want that taken away from me.