Lost Chances And Exhaustion (I Might Be Infertile)


Let me preface this post by saying I’ve been up since 4:30 am and I went to bed at 11 pm. I struggle with insomnia. Last night I woke up from a dream and thought I saw a man in my room. It was just the lights playing tricks on me, but it still really freaked me out. I think the ensuing adrenaline rush kept me awake after that. Eventually, at 7 am, I just gave up on sleeping and got up to start the day.

Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I’m one of those people that needs 8 hours of sleep to function at any level. I also don’t do napping really well so I’ve just been in a state of zombie all day. Anyways, I got some “fantastic” news today (and I say fantastic dripping with sarcasm). I might be infertile and I’m not ovulating. I won’t go into details since I know I have male followers, but basically nothing is in sync down there.

My doctor considered a variety of options for why I’m having these issues. None of them were enjoyable. The infertility is one of them. Another lovely idea that was thrown out there was a tumor on my pituitary gland. After my heart surgery the last thing I want is more medical issues. Here goes another barrage of tests…

Honestly, what’s hitting me really hard and scaring me the most is the infertility. I really want to have children, just not for another 10ish years. Also, I hear that requires a willing male sperm donor. All jokes aside, the thought that it might not even be possible is killing me. My heart is sinking as I read the list of tests for the lab to run and the subscript says “infertility” under a majority of them. I’m 19! I haven’t even had my chance. Being a mom is just one of those natural urges I’ve had my entire life. I don’t want that taken away from me.

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2 thoughts on “Lost Chances And Exhaustion (I Might Be Infertile)

  1. I know that right now nothing may seem like it would be the same as having your own children, but there are other ways (surrogates, adoption, I’m sure you’re aware). My aunt was never able to have children and adopted, and I can’t imagine her loving them any less than she’d had loved biologic children. Don’t get too depressed yet and also don’t google shit. Everybody would be dying of cancer if they googled their symptoms.

  2. Wow, I’m not sure how I’d deal with that kind of news myself. I want kids too, and I’ve long harbored a suspicion that I may not be able to have them as well, thanks to the fact that I never accidentally got Nutjob pregnant, despite being an absolute idiot about how we had sex.

    I hope whatever it is, it’s the least impactful and easiest to remedy!

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