Sometimes I start writing a post. Then I look at it and think, “This is a complete waste of words on a page. No one should ever read this.” I then proceed to delete everything and stare at the Add New Post screen. I watch that small line blink, and struggle to think of anything worth while to write about.
This actually happens to me often. It’s part of the reason I left blogging for so long. Writer’s block just kept happening to me more and more frequently. Part of my problem is that I don’t usually realize the worth of what I’m writing. According to WordPress, some of you guys’ favorite posts have been ones that I didn’t think were anything special. In fact, I normally get the best response when I’m writing from the heart and not actively trying to say anything decent or thought provoking.
The problem is my heart isn’t exactly a happy place right now. I don’t want to be the blogger that’s dragging everyone else down, making them feeling sad from reading my posts. I also feel like a whiny cry baby when I go on and on about P and how much he hurt me. But then again, this blog is my coping mechanism. If I need to write about it I should write about it. I just don’t want to get stuck in a vicious cycle where writing about it is actually doing more harm than good.
I also don’t want people to feel sorry for me. In my mind, there’s pretty much nothing more pathetic. Although I do feel like I can be pretty pathetic sometimes when I’m feeling down. I’d rather be inspirational though. I want this to be a success story, not a depressing one. At the same time, I need to be realistic though. Everything’s not always sunshine and flowers. Sometimes you need to weather the storm to see the rainbow.