Reflecting On The Past And Looking To The Future

There’s a lovely snow falling in my beautiful state of Pennsylvania. We’ve got about 3 inches already and I’d take a guess that I’m probably not going to go anywhere today. I’ve wanted to write a post reflecting on 2012. Lord knows it’s been a hectic year. I feel like I’ve learned everything and nothing at the same time. I also find it amazing how quickly time has passed. They say life is short. I’m starting to believe them.

I’d say the biggest thing that happened in the beginning of 2012 was the deterioration of my heart condition. I started having palpitations of 200 bpm multiple times a day and I nearly passed out in the pool a couple times. After getting the results from my heart monitor, my cardiologist told me to schedule an ablation as quickly as possible. That was some scary stuff. Heart surgery was painful and trying on my already worn emotions. But there’s nothing wrong with me now and I haven’t had any problems since they fixed it. That’s a blessing. A functioning heart is something I will never take for granted. Although now that things a working properly physiologically I’d say I need to work harder on getting the emotional side up and running again. Healing takes time though.

As for my personal life, I dated G. That was a debacle now that I look back on it. It turns out that he was sleeping with other girls the entire time we were dating. I didn’t write about it, because I found this out during my blogging break. What’s even worse was that A and S both knew about that and didn’t tell me. Talk about betrayal. And people wonder why I have trust issues…

What was most successful during 2012 was my professional/school life. First of all, I’ve earned a solid 3.65 the last three semesters. I’m feeling a lot more confident. While I was with P I earned a 3.15 (I wonder why…?). I was starting to feel like I had lost my brain power or something. It’s amazing what psychological trauma can do to you. I also got accepted to an internship at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They took 15 people out of over 300 candidates. Getting into that made me feel pretty good. I also made some friends in my lab and I could potentially work there after I graduate. Finally, I got selected to TA introductory Biology. That was pretty big too, because they only give those positions to a few undergraduates. I just got rehired for next semester. I’m pretty excited, because I like teaching and it seems like I’m good at it.

I suppose the big question that I didn’t answer in 2012 and still have yet to answer is what am I going to do with my life? I’m blessed with many options. In 2012, I submitted applications to medical school and then withdrew them. I’m just not ready to make that 4 year schooling commitment. I am about 90% positive I will eventually go to med school though. However, I’m currently dabbling in the idea of applying to MD/PhD programs. It takes 7-8 years to get your MD/PhD, but we all know I’m young. Also, if I did that I could be on the cutting edge of medicine trying to solve the big problems. I feel like that will be much more satisfying for me then just treating patients with methods developed by someone else. But who knows? I could change my mind again. I’m pretty good at that.

2012 was a painful year, but it was not nearly as painful as 2011. I’m making progress. Granted, things are slow going. But they are getting better. I can only be thankful for that and try to keep a positive outlook. I have faith that one day I will lead a successful, happy life.


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