I’m going to talk about suicide today. A hard topic, but I find that it is another that is kept in the quiet dark. I think the saddest people suffer in silence. I wish they could know that is a real sign of strength. I read some posts by bloggers who have been considering suicide today. I tried to comment on them all so they knew someone was listening. I know I have a lot of people who read this. That helps me a lot. I even appreciate those who read all the time but rarely comment. It’s really special for me when they speak up about something. So, thank you to all my readers. You’ve helped me pull through a lot.
I can’t say I haven’t thought about suicide. My mind puts me through a lot of shit sometimes. It was especially hard when I was younger. I didn’t quite understand what was happening, and I hadn’t worked out methods to get through it. For me, depression feels like a deep sadness that has no origin. You feel like you just found out your entire family was killed in a car accident. It hurts to the very core of your soul. Yet you have no idea why and it is such a hopeless situation. I have thought many times, “I can’t live my life like this. I cannot survive this much longer.” Somehow I pull through though.
I don’t think I could ever kill myself just because I couldn’t handle what it would do to my family. I also don’t think suicide is “the great escape”. Something tells me that you don’t get to run away from your demons that easily. I don’t know though. I also would never judge anyone who decided to take their own life. It makes me very sad whenever I hear about it, but I never judge. I know what that space is like. I can understand wanting to escape it forever. Sometimes the world just hurts too much.