So tomorrow will be my one year blogging anniversary. Granted, I did quit for a few months but I still think that is pretty significant. However, I find it slightly depressing as well. I basically have the same problems. I have made some progress when it comes to P, but even that could be debated. In fact, I’m having almost the exact same experience as I was with D this time in 2011.
I decided what I’m going to do if he asks me to see him again. I’m going to say no. Nothing’s going to change in my life unless I start changing my actions. I can’t keep repeating the same behaviors and expect things to get better. I want somebody who respects me for who I am, not just because I’m a good lay. Somebody that actually cares about me and not just my talents in the bedroom. I have a feeling I’ll have to wait a really long time for that though. But if it means being celibate for a while I think it might be worth it.
If D doesn’t talk to me anymore then so be it. Like I said yesterday, I am much better off without him in my life anyways. If he still wants to be friends and talk I’m fine with that too. But I refuse to sleep with him. I’d like to lock my slutty past in the closet and throw away the key. I’m done with that. No more casual hook ups. No more friends with benefits. Yeah that probably makes me a “prude” by today’s standards, but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore (pun intended).