Well I’m officially at the lowest point I’ve been at in over a year. After everything that has happened this semester I feel pretty shitty about myself. I keep trying to put things into perspective and remind myself how much better off I am now. No matter how bad things seem I know it’s better than when I was with P. I’m just sad right now. I made a lot of mistakes this semester and I’ve never felt so alone.
First of all, I literally have no friends. I pretty much rapidly came to the realization that everyone I was friends with was a cruel, judgmental person. Half of them decided they hate me after all that bullshit went down and the other half I don’t even want to associate with. I’m just so disgusted by how girls my age are behaving. I hate how mean they are to people who are different. I’m different. I finally allowed myself to admit that. And now they’re mean to me too.
I guess the mistake I made was trying to fit in. I’m never going to fit in. I tried to be mainstream and hang with the “cool kids”. I made that my life and now I want nothing to do with it. I need to find people who are more like me. I just don’t even know the first place to look. And now that I’m in my last semester of college, my options are pretty slim. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to be spending a lot of time alone.
Not only am I friendless, but I am also manless. I have never been this manless for so long. I’m so god damned lonely. I just want some comfort and support. I seriously feel like no guy even wants to talk to me. I’m going to be that girl who’s awkwardly single at the age of 35. I also know I’m being completely melodramatic right now. But I’m having a moment and I just need to write it out. I’m really just praying for something good to happen soon. I need something to brighten my spirits.