The Lies I Can’t Hide From At Night

1. I’m happy with my life
2. Partying three nights a week is fun
3. I have real friends
4. I love being single
5. I hate P
6. I don’t miss him either
7. I don’t need a man in my life
8. I’m not lonely
9. I hate being touched
10. Being alone is easier

There I did it. 10 lies I tell myself and everyone else to make it through the day. My life is so artificial right now. None of it is real or living. It’s an existence. It’s not me. It’s the person I wish I could be. The popular, care free, single girl. I can never be her. I can pretend. I do it all day, every day. But at night I lay in bed and feel so god damned empty. I don’t connect with anybody. I don’t use my brain the way I should. I can’t if I want to keep being accepted in the world I’m trapped in. Its horrible.

And yes, I know I’m the bitch who is complaining about being popular and cool. It’s not fun though. It only looks like that on the outside. Everyone on the inside is secretly miserable. They’re all faking it. Most just don’t even realize it. Because we would rather be accepted than show our true selves and risk social ostracism. I’m guilty of it. I started acting dumber so I could have more “friends”. They aren’t even people I could count on either. They are too self absorbed. How stupid is that? Why did I ever think I wanted this?


One thought on “The Lies I Can’t Hide From At Night

  1. Then stop. You’re in college at 19 because you’re so smart, so why aren’t you being smart enough to stop being in a situation where you’re NOT happy? You need to find a group of friends where you can be yourself and where you’re able to love being single because you have such amazing friends to fall back on. Continuing on in a life that isn’t getting your anything is only going to continue your life of loneliness… I didn’t even know that popular girls existed in college. I went to college for 6 years without ever noticing. Sure, there were girls who partied. But popularity was a thing of high school… Fulfill yourself.

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