I would just like to say that everything is not better. It is worse. It just keeps getting worse. I don’t even have the heart to blog anymore. I feel so kicked, so beaten down by life. I’m tired. I’m so god damned tired and I am only turning 19 on Sunday. This world is cruel. The people in it are not good. It makes me so sad. I feel surrounded by inhumanity.
When are we going to realize that our actions effect others? People just can’t seem to see outside themselves anymore. I feel incapable of doing anything but. All I see around me are people suffering at the hands of others. The suffering ones then, in turn, inflict more pain upon more people. It’s a vicious cycle. I hate watching it and I hate falling victim to it. I am more and more, because I just can’t fucking do that to someone. I’m not too nice. I’m just aware. I know when what I say or do will hurt someone. I actually think about that. I respect other people. Not for any reason, but just because I think that everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
I want to be a good person. That’s what I want out of life. I want to be a good person and I want to be happy. Right now I just feel like everything is trying its god damned hardest to beat the good out of me. I want to meet a compassionate person. I just need to interact with someone who sees how much I’ve been through and cuts me a break. I really, really need one. I just want one, little thing to be easy. I want something to go right for once. I’m tired of jumping hurdles and climbing mountains. I work so hard to be good. To do right by myself and others. I don’t feel like it’s paying off. I’m not going to stop though. I’m just exhausted, and I really need a break. I know I won’t get one and I have to keep going. I just really want to give up right now. It would be so much easier just to give up. I won’t though. I can’t.