Falling Again


Last night at formal G told me there’s a chance he might not be moving to California. Apparently his friend’s dad owns a renewable energy consulting firm in Princeton and he wants to offer him a job. If that happens I will be so happy. Princeton is only an hour from my hometown where I’ll be living in the summer. It would be very doable. I hope it comes through. I realized last night that I could fall for him. In fact, I may already be starting that process.

It’s so different from P. In a good way though. P wanted me completely attached to him from the get go which made our relationship extremely emotionally intense. I was also young so I fell in love with him hard and fast. There was no controlling it. It was like wildfire: dangerous and out of control. I also realized last night how a real boyfriend should behave. G was a perfect gentlemen at formal. He is so respectful of me and treats me like his equal. P never was. P always thought he was better then me, because he was older. He also thought he was smarter then me too. The extent of how much he looked down on me didn’t really hit me until now. Probably because I’ve finally gotten to experience having a man that is proud to say you’re his date. And not proud because of your looks, but because of your personality and accomplishments. That is a new experience for me. I feel very grateful to have gotten it.

It’s so strange. I had forgotten what these feelings are like. Previously, it was impossible for me to imagine ever falling in love with someone that wasn’t P. Now it’s becoming a reality. It’s not the same as before though. I have much more control of my emotions and I feel a lot more mature. I’ve definitely moved into the realm of an adult relationship instead of a teenage one. However, the same feelings are starting to form. I recognize them. They seem foreign though. I haven’t felt anything like this in four and a half years. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing though. I’m ready for this. It’s time for me to experience something healthy and good. After all this time I finally feel like I deserve it.

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