The Selfish Human Nature

The more I encounter in this world, the more I realize that human beings are self centered creatures. I can count the number of selfless people I have met in my life on one hand. Sure, there are plenty of people that will help out their friends or someone in need. However, most of them are wondering what they will get out of it in the back of their heads. I do something for you, you do something for me. Isn’t that how it works? Then there are the people that do it just to feel better about themselves. They get this euphoria that tells them, “I’m a good person.”

I am there for my friends, because there is something deep in my soul that tells me to. I can’t ignore it. I can’t be self centered. When I see them fall apart, I am there. I sacrifice sleep. I sacrifice studying. I do everything in my power to make them okay. I spent all of yesterday at it with A. And I don’t want anything in return from them. I honestly don’t. All I want is to be treated like a decent human being. Can they do that? No, because they are too absorbed in themselves and their own tiny little world. Just because things are good with your man now doesn’t mean you can say whatever you god damned want to me.

I’m a little frustrated right now. I am having a horrible day. I feel as if all of the energy has been sucked out of me. There’s too much stress coming from all directions. G, medical school, my grades, my friends… I have so much weight on my shoulders. I’m tired of people telling me I’m going to be great. I’m tired of the expectations. Yes, I know the kid genius has to succeed. But can’t you all see it’s crushing me? I just want to be happy, but I don’t want to be a disappointment. I’ve never been a disappointment in my entire life. I was born to excel. It’s what I do. I can handle an inhuman workload, get great grades and still find time to study for the MCATs. And even with all of that I still want to be there for my friends. They just keep asking more and more of me. Can’t they see that I’m exhausted? That I don’t deserve to be yelled at? I’m sorry you’re tired because you spent all night with your man. Don’t take it out on me. Especially, since I was the one that took all day to comfort you when he was treating you like shit. But no, he’s not the bad guy. I am. I’m the mean one for telling you to stop snapping at me when I try to ask you simple questions. I can’t take much of this anymore…


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