It finally happened. The moment I have been dreading for six months. I saw P. I didn’t just see him from a distance either. I was walking through one of the older buildings heading to a review. This particular one is characterized by its very long hallways. I turned the corner to head down one of those corridors and I saw him at the other end. It was like a nightmare. Time seemed to slow and I had to will my body to move forward. I was absolutely terrified. We were the only ones in the hallways. I was alone. I was vulnerable.
I couldn’t help but stare at him though. I was trying to gage his reaction, to decide if I should run or not. I looked into his eyes. They were cold and dark. They bore into my soul the way they used to. In a painful way that said, “You are mine. I own you.” The black abyss was evil. I could see rage inside him as well. There was anger that wanted to punish me for defying him and fury due to the fact that I dare set foot in the same building as him. These were the eyes of a monster. I saw no remorse or sadness. Nor even a hint of regret. The look he gave me was malicious and sadistic. Somehow I managed to keep moving and I got passed him. He turned to try and talk to me, but I hurried away. Once I turned the corner, I sprinted for the classroom I was headed towards.
When I sat down I was shaking like a leaf. My fingers were so bad that I could not unbutton my coat. There was a lump in my throat and I felt like I was going to vomit. I also wanted to cry. I was so terrified in that moment. I had completely let my guard down and that was when he appeared. I was finally feeling relaxed and safe on campus. I stopped looking for him everywhere and as soon as I did he was there. It’s funny how life works that way. Everything happens when you least expect it.
I’m scared now. I have been reminded that P is not gone forever. He could be in the same building as me at any time. It’s possible that I will see him every day for the rest of the semester. I will have to look into those eyes again. I may have to face that evil and I don’t know if I am strong enough. I feel like a small, weak little girl right now. I can’t fight this monster on my own. He’s too big and too strong. I could easily be overpowered. I could easily lose. And that’s terrifying.