Dear future potential mates,
Hello, my name is Sam. Some of you probably think you know me by now, others are just beginning that process. However, you all have one thing in common. You are interested in me for one reason or another. I don’t know why, but you are. Maybe it’s my personality or maybe it’s simply the fact that I’m thin and blonde. It doesn’t matter. If you’re reading this it means I have deemed you good enough to be allowed into my life. That in itself is not an easy task. I’m not pretentious. I’m just cautious. I’m writing this, because there are some things you need to know about me. They’re important, and they’re going to help you understand why I am the way that I am.
I am different from a lot of other girls. My needs are not the same. My fears and insecurities are also probably not what you would originally expect. On the outside, I probably just seem like another neurotic women who over analyzes and worries far too much. However, that is not me. I don’t need you to prop me up. I don’t need you to boost my self esteem. I love myself, mind and body. I’m not worried that you aren’t going to like my personality or find me unattractive. If you don’t, that’s your loss not mine. I’m also not afraid of being alone. You aren’t going to catch me clinging to you just because I don’t want to be on my own. I embrace my independence. Perhaps a little too much.
If you’ve been allowed to read this, I like you. I think you’re somebody I could enjoy spending time with. I’m going to give you a road map, directions, a guide. I already know the issues I’m going to have with this. It’s only fair that you know them too. I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong or you are going to do something wrong. I’m simply preparing you. Why? Because this isn’t easy for me. It’s extremely difficult. Again, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my past. I strive very hard not to let it get in the way of my present. However, I cannot deny the fact that it has changed me. I’m not going to tell you about that here. However, if you ask me a question I will answer it. I’m very open in that way. I won’t hide anything from you if you simply ask.
Okay so if you’ve read down to here it means you actually care about this. I guess that’s good since this is the most important part. The list of things I’ll need from you:
- I need you to plan ahead. Spontaneity with certain things (like sex…) is perfectly fine. However, if you just pop up randomly and want to see me I’m not going to be happy. I want to know ahead of time when you want to hang out. It will help me relax if I’m not always wondering when you’re going to ask.
- Do not pressure me in bed. For anything. Ever. You can ask nicely. I know we all have needs and that’s fine. I like to make my partner happy in bed. However, please do not ever make me feel like I have to do something. If you do, it will probably be the last time you see me.
- Help me feel comfortable when I’m with you. I’m going to be afraid of making you mad. I’m going to be afraid of breaking some unspoken rule of yours. And I’m going to be waiting for you to snap on me. It’s something that will naturally go away with time, but you could help with it if you wanted. You could definitely make it easier.
- Be honest. Don’t ever lie. I’ll never trust you again.
That’s it. Short and sweet. I’m not just going to make demands, and not give anything in return. I can help too with most anything you need. I’m pretty flexible, and I understand the give and take that is required in human being interactions. So if you already figured all that out, good for you. Otherwise, I hope that helped a little.
Thanks for reading,
Sam
*Follow me on Twitter @MakeLifeOrange
Make Life Orange 
Haha, if I were boyfriend material and I read this, I’d be shooting glances at the door. Some great sentiments here, but I do think that it should be a given that no woman is the same, no relationship is easy, anything worth having is worth the work, and all women want a comfortable honest relationship. I also like to think that you should be able to change “woman” to “man” in the previous sentence, and it would still be true.
The wording of the letter (forgive me that I’m being blunt) makes it sound that all these relevant relationship characteristics are unusual (ie, most girls are the same, but I’m different. Relationships are a snap for everyone, but I’m different). I get a sense that you’re being super-critical to yourself, dismissive to the people out there (both female and male), and pessimistic when looking into your own future.
Sam, none of what you have asked for is unreasonable. I think you will find a lot of men feel the same way too. Rule 4 particularly rings true with me. So relax and dont feel bad about your very small list of requests / rules. I know people with much longer lists.
I haven’t commented much, but I read all your posts. You are honestly not as crazy as you seem to think you are.
Thank you for commenting. I appreciate the support. It’s also nice to know how closely you follow me. You really should comment more. I appreciate feedback from those that read everything I write. I feel like they know me the best.
It’s nice to know I’m not being demanding. I also appreciate you saying I’m not as crazy as I think I am. I just worry about that, because I spend most of my life surrounded by neurotic college girls. I just don’t want to be like that.
I think that what you’ve written here is by no means an unreasonable set of expectations at all. Communicating your needs and wants clearly – particularly with respect to boundaries – is the foundation of any good relationship, whether it is platonic or physical, friendly or romantic. Anyone you get involved with who finds what you’ve written here “too much” or are unable to follow it is clearly not worth you investing much more time and energy in.
I like this – did it feel cathartic to write this down? I often find that’s the case for me, especially with the whole ‘this is me, follow this advice and don’t hurt me or break me’.
It’s good to communicate these things – communication is always key in any relationship to avoid misunderstandings.