Lack Of Concentration

Boys are so distracting. I was such a good student when I had no men in my life. Now I can’t concentrate on anything, because I’m always contemplating G. Of course I’m in physics right now. I’ve never been able to focus in this class (read Life In A College Lecture Hall). It’s so much worse now though. I have no idea what’s going on.

The funny thing is I was almost done with G yesterday. We did not talk at all Saturday and Sunday. I was convinced he was going to disappear. Monday he got a job offer in NYC so I IMed him to congratulate him. At first it seemed like he was going to let the conversation die, but it didn’t and we ended up talking for a while. I was getting frustrated though. Talking is fine and dandy, but I wanted to actually see him. Tuesday he texted me all day, but he still hadn’t tried to make plans. Tuesday was the only day we would be able to hang out this week. It was around 5 and I was just so annoyed. I threw my hands in the air and said to A, “I’m done with this. I can’t take it anymore. It’s too stressful.” The second I finished saying that G texted me asking what I was doing for dinner. Yeah, it was very ironic.

So we went and got dinner. Conversation was good. We both share the fact that we have extremely busy lives with lots of work. It’s nice to have someone who understands that. He said he had a presentation he needed to work on tonight, so I figured we probably wouldn’t go back to his place. But when we were done eating, he invited me anyways. I ended up staying there until 12:30 which is pretty late for me. We had sex, got some work done and then watched a movie. It was really nice. I’m starting to feel more comfortable and relaxed around him.

A says G and I look like we belong together. She also says he radiates positive energy. I’ve noticed that too. I can definitely feel it. Apparently, the energy of both of us together is really good. I’m still not sure how he feels though. He’s just not one of this extremely affectionate guys. I don’t mind that at all since I’m more reserved. It’s just hard to tell. He doesn’t like to cuddle after sex. Normally, we move to the couch afterwards. It’s fine, just something I’m not used to. Towards the end of the night he had his hand on my leg and was rubbing it though. He also kissed me good night when he dropped me off.

I’m pretty good at over analyzing everything. I am sure you all have noticed this. I just hate not knowing what he is thinking. He smiles all the time and laughs when we’re together. I’m just not sure. Apparently, I’m more insecure then I thought. It’s definitely making me want to run from this. Mostly because it feels so good. I just don’t want to lose. I’ve lost so much already. I think that’s why my mind is looking for negatives all the time about him. My subconscious wants a reason to wall itself off from him. I have to be brave though. I am strong. I can take anything G has to dish out, that’s for damn sure. I really need to stop being afraid. This is fun and good. I need to keep going.

*As always follow me on Twitter @MakeLifeOrange


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