Can The Heart Love Two At Once?


I’d be perfect for a super hipster music video right now. Girl on a train, scenery rolling by, thoughtful expression her face… I’m 40 minutes from Baltimore and “this is going to be bad” feeling just keeps getting stronger. Maybe I’m just nervous about seeing Dave again. Or this is going to be bad…

I started contemplating whether or not you can love two people at the same time. I’m talking about romantic love, not the love mother’s have for their children. That’s a whole different story. I really don’t think you can be in love with two people, at least not equally. I feel it’s only natural for the love for one of them to grow while the other love fades. It’s biology. Our genes tell us to mate for life, with one person. Of course there are those oddballs out there, but I don’t think we have the capacity to share our hearts like that with more then one person. It wouldn’t really be sharing our hearts. It would be sharing a piece, and that’s just not fair. If you start dividing your love up, there won’t be enough to go around. I think you could end up alone that way.

All these thoughts have led me to consider something, could I have D in my life if G asks me to be his girlfriend? I honestly don’t know. Maybe if D had a girlfriend too. But even when he did he couldn’t hold back his feelings for me. I definitely had something to do with the ending of his last relationship. I want to give G a chance. Would he really have a fair chance if D was still involved? I would have to set up boundaries, that’s for sure. I doubt D could respect them though. So do I have to lose him if I want to be with G, or anyone for that matter? I might. And that hurts. We’re just close. I have to remember though, D has had his chances to be with me. He’s had more then enough. It’s just too tough and I can understand that. But he has had the opportunity to try, and now it’s someone else’s turn. I guess I answered my own question. I will have to distance or separate myself from D if I ever want to make it work with someone else. It’s sad. But it’s true.

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7 thoughts on “Can The Heart Love Two At Once?

  1. I thought that genetically that you’re suppose to mate with many people in order to ensure survival.

    But I think you can have feelings of love for many people at the same time. But it is also important to realize the complications that comes with it nowadays. So the proper path toward a happy relationship is to chose the best option for you and love one person, at a time.

    • I agree that you can have feelings of love for more than one person, but this situation is tricky. It’s not necessarily that you can’t divide your heart equally or square it with yourself, but it’s rare the people you love will be happy sharing your heart.

      I had a similar situation a while back and it was really difficult to cut myself off from someone I felt so strongly about, but I looked at both of them and realised that one of them filled me with a healthy, positive love and the other twisted my life into chaos – a thrilling, enjoyable chaos, but one without a future.

      • I feel that as a person, we have the right to feel. Whether its a strong feeling for one person or many people at once. The person of whom you like or love, may feel the same way. But ultimately, a relationship with one another is more than just love. It is the many factors in life that added together to give you a decision on whom you will pick.

        Like that saying, “sometimes, love just isn’t enough”. I might be saying the same thing you’re saying. haha

        • Well, I don’t know if it’s the same, but I agree all the way. It’s all just so damn complicated. But fun and wonderful and worth it too 🙂

  2. You can love many people at once, but in your particular situation you’re in somewhat of a pickle. I think it’s time for you to move on from Dave and give G a chance unless you really love Dave more. However, of course, going out with G will give you more experience with other personalities, something new.

  3. I know I replied to this question already via Twitter, but 140 characters is rather limiting when it comes to such matters. The short answer is “yes!” Now for the longer answer…

    People can and do love both parents. Rather than loving just one, or picking favourites, most parents love all of their children, perhaps not equally… more likely in similar but different ways (I’m sure my brother and I drove our parents up the wall in different manners at different times). Your can love more than one football team (soccer, rugby or American Football, take your pick) if you so choose to do so. As we grow up we are often encouraged as children to “play nicely” with others and “learn to share” toys and other. In school and at work we are likewise encouraged to work co-operatively together.

    In matters of the heart, the societal expectations are not to share, not to be co-operative, but to be competitive, “fight for” the heart of the one you love, to be monogamous and search for “The One.” Interestingly, monogamy is not the norm in a lot of societies; ethnologists and anthropologists have recorded and documented both monogamous and non-monogamous situations to be common in many different cultures and environments. Having studied biology, I know that “mating for life” is a the exception rather than the norm for most species, even amongst primates.

    There are some people who can and do date and get into loving relationships with more than one partner at a time, without cheating, or being a player (whatever that means), but by being ethically non-monogamous, or, to use a term that’s less of a mouthful, polyamorus. It’s not a relationship style that works for everyone by any stretch of the imagination and I’m certainly not suggesting it would be for you – that would be a decision that is for you to make.

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