Ready To Fall Again

I feel like it’s time to ask myself an important question. Am I ready to love again? I can just tell this is what G is moving towards. That’s what he wants from this. He doesn’t just want a girl to pass the time with until he graduates. I thought that might be it when we first started talking.

I told him P was abusive last night. I just flat out said it. What surprised me was when he said he had already picked up on that a little. He was just waiting for me to confirm his suspicions. The boy keeps surprising me. He is extremely conscious and aware, that’s for sure. I guess the fact that he figured that out on his own and didn’t run for cover is a good sign. I certainly wouldn’t get myself involved with someone who was emotionally damaged, but I think that’s because I’m emotionally damaged myself. Two people like that together would be destructive. Perhaps, G isn’t afraid of what I’ve been through. He’s very insistent on providing an environment I’m comfortable in. Last night he told me he never wanted me to feel pressured or stressed when I was with him. I had told him how P always set high standards for my performance. He said that was absolutely unacceptable.

G seems good. He’s been consistently making me feel silly for all my fears and worries. I start to think I got really lucky, but then I remember how many men I refused to let in before him. There was a reason I let him in. I just had a gut instinct that he was a good person. Granted, I haven’t totally let my guard down. That won’t happen for a very long time. I feel safe with him though. I’m not used to that and it is very comforting.

What happened with P has made me very wary of who I let into my life. One of my main priorities has been making sure that never happens to me again. I have been analyzing G up and down like this, because I’m looking for warning signs. I’m afraid he will turn into a monster like P did. None of the signs that were there with P are there with G though. He really seems genuinely good. I guess my mind keeps thinking it is too good to be true. There is no way you could have found a guy that won’t intentionally hurt you. Obviously, he’s not in the clear yet. He keeps getting closer though. I feel like if I’m going to give someone a chance, let go and let myself fall, G should be the one to catch me.


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