Communication Insecurities


So I was all worried about G because he randomly stopped talking to me Thursday and Friday. I’m not the type of girl that needs contact every day. It just worried me, because normally he talks to me all the time. Then suddenly, nothing.

Pretty much not worried anymore. I think I figured out what happened. On Tuesday, we had sex for the first time since we really started dating. Granted, we had already had sex the first night we met. But Tuesday was different because now we’re dating, we both like each other more and we were both sober. It was excellent, at least for me. I’m not sure about him, but I’ll get to that. I’m not the type to verbalize, “Oh my gosh that was so fantastic!” Sometimes I get rather subdued after sex, but that’s just because I’m tired and I can also feel the hormones raging through my body. I usually just like to relax. I don’t like to talk about it.

Last night G IMed me. It was the first time he made contact since Tuesday, so I was quite happy just about that. I think he wanted to talk about it, because he gradually led the conversation in that direction. Eventually, he asked something like, “Well would you ever like to do it again?” Of course, I said yes and he started asking how he could improve for next time and if there was anything he could do to make me more comfortable. He also said he thought I was pretty good, which made me happy.

I was baffled by the whole thing. Mostly, because he does not seem like the type of guy that could ever be insecure. From the gist of our conversation, his not talking to me was just him worrying about me not liking the sex. In my mind, it’s so ridiculous I want to laugh out loud when I think about it. I guess it just shows how us humans need to work on communication with one another. I apparently didn’t communicate how happy I was with the situation and it took him four days to inadvertently voice his worries. All we needed were five minutes of conversation before we were both noticeably more relaxed.

Humans are funny. I’ve seen this in myself and my friends. We agonize over whether the person we like is interested. He does things that drive us nuts, and we say nothing because we worry he’ll think we’re crazy. Then when we are with him, we don’t properly display our happiness so he gets worried too and starts doing the things that drive us nuts some more. All of this insecurity is just ridiculous. People (especially my generation) really need to work on gaining the confidence to say what they feel in person, not over text or IM. It would save us all a lot of time and stress. I know I’m completely guilty of not doing this. I really need to work on it. My fear isn’t of G not liking me though. I can handle that. I’m afraid of letting someone get close. That’s why I have a hard timing sharing my emotions with someone new. It means putting myself at risk, and I am quite terrified of doing that.

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