Playing With Old Flames And New

Today was very long. That’s for sure. We had to get up at 6 to get ready to compete. The other girl in my duet was completely miserable. She kept whining about how she didn’t want to be there and just wanted to go home. I tried very hard to pep her up and I gave our routine 110%. Unfortunately, she did not so we did not do very well. At first I was extremely frustrated, but then I remembered I gave it my all so I had nothing to be upset about. There’s a lot of drama and division going on in the team right now. It basically exploded today too. I tried my best to stay out of it, but everyone kept asking my opinion because I’m treasurer. I don’t like being involved in catty things like when girls are talking about each other. I kept trying to run away whenever it would happen. It’s just really hard to stay away from sometimes.

I took a break from all the craziness to call my mom. She always helps calm me down and after talking to her I felt better. She also had thoughts on G. She reminded me that I’m very much like my father in that I may be feeling a million emotions on the inside, but I don’t display a single one on my face. She said he may be worried I don’t like him because of that. I asked A her opinion and she agreed. So I decided to text G and ask how his break was so far. He responded right away and asked me how Buffalo was. He also asked if I had performed yet and how it went. He said he thought I’d do great tomorrow and I mentioned that he had never actually seen me swim and I asked him if he wanted to come to our home show in April. He said, “Definitely!” I had to end the conversation there because we were about to go get ice cream as a team. I think it’s a good sign though. He seems to still be interested.

Finally, I officially agreed to go to Baltimore Friday to see D. He said he would really like to see me. I’m also definitely not committed so why not? I want to see him too. We’re just a weird thing. At first the ruse was for us seeing each other that we both wanted to get laid. Now I have someone and he is still sleeping with his ex. So what are we doing? I don’t really know. I just know that something keeps driving us together. It definitely feels like I’m playing with fire though. I may get burned. It’s a risk worth taking though. We get along too well for me not to go. Our flame just has not died out yet.


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