Sometimes Perfection Can Be Perfect Hell


I have a confession to make. It’s something I try my best to hide, and I’ve even hidden it from you. Sometimes I feel stupid about it because in reality it’s something I should be proud of. I’m a certified genius. I’m eighteen years old and a junior in college. I took the SATs at age 14  and scored a 2140. I started taking college classes when I was a freshmen in high school. I had so many credits that I was able to graduate halfway through my junior year. I started here at Penn State when I was only sixteen and I got a 3.8 my first semester.

Many of you probably want to slap me right now. You’re probably wondering why I waited 70 blog posts to share this information. I’ll tell you why. Because when people find out something like that, they let it define their perception of me. I am so much more then just an intelligent person. And I am not a “freak”. I’ll tell you something. It was not easy growing up with the label gifted stamped on your forehead. It sucked. I spent all of my middle school years wishing I was average. I wanted to fit in, not blatantly stand out. No one wants to be friends with the girl who gets all As without trying. That’s why I got out as quickly as I could.

It’s been easier in college. I don’t have to tell people right away. Eventually, they do find out how old I am but by that time they’ve already accepted me as a person so it works out. I usually just say I graduated a year early. It doesn’t sound as weird. I know I have a gift and I should feel blessed. I do appreciate it. I know that it’s going to take me to the top of whatever I decide to do. It always has. There is so much pressure though. So much weight placed on your shoulders at such a young age. I scored in the 99.9th percentile of my IQ test at age 8. Once that happened, everyone expected I would be great one day. “Sam is going to be the president. Sam is going to cure cancer.” I have heard statements like that my entire life. That is a whole lot of expectations to live up to.

What I hate the most is the social ostracism. Most people just do not understand me. It’s made it really hard to make and keep friends. Especially when I want to just be myself. I can handle only having a few friends though. What I don’t want is to be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t feel compatible with very many people. I’m also intimidating. G doesn’t know my age. I’m afraid of telling him. I’m afraid of explaining how/why I got where I am. It has scared a lot of men away and kept them from even considering me. I can’t keep it a secret though. That’s even worse. I’m honestly just dying to find someone who understands me and the way my brain works. I don’t need a man as smart as I am. I just need a man that accepts how smart I am. Someone who understands that I’m always going to be just a little different and is okay with that. That’s all I really want.

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes Perfection Can Be Perfect Hell

  1. The expectations of others can weight heavily upon people, oft-times far more than those who are doing the expecting can realise. Feeling the pressure of others can make you put additional pressure on yourself, consciously or subconsciously. Shrugging that off can be become extremely difficult.

  2. I just want to say that no matter how smart you are, EMOTIONS are not based on IQ. They can be justified by it, but they are still just as painful.

    Remenber to be true to yourself and you will find what your looking for. Even if it’s not what you expected.

  3. *Whistles* that’s pretty cool. You know what you want, and that’s good. You’ll find what you want and people who accept you will.

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