I have a confession to make. It’s something I try my best to hide, and I’ve even hidden it from you. Sometimes I feel stupid about it because in reality it’s something I should be proud of. I’m a certified genius. I’m eighteen years old and a junior in college. I took the SATs at age 14 and scored a 2140. I started taking college classes when I was a freshmen in high school. I had so many credits that I was able to graduate halfway through my junior year. I started here at Penn State when I was only sixteen and I got a 3.8 my first semester.
Many of you probably want to slap me right now. You’re probably wondering why I waited 70 blog posts to share this information. I’ll tell you why. Because when people find out something like that, they let it define their perception of me. I am so much more then just an intelligent person. And I am not a “freak”. I’ll tell you something. It was not easy growing up with the label gifted stamped on your forehead. It sucked. I spent all of my middle school years wishing I was average. I wanted to fit in, not blatantly stand out. No one wants to be friends with the girl who gets all As without trying. That’s why I got out as quickly as I could.
It’s been easier in college. I don’t have to tell people right away. Eventually, they do find out how old I am but by that time they’ve already accepted me as a person so it works out. I usually just say I graduated a year early. It doesn’t sound as weird. I know I have a gift and I should feel blessed. I do appreciate it. I know that it’s going to take me to the top of whatever I decide to do. It always has. There is so much pressure though. So much weight placed on your shoulders at such a young age. I scored in the 99.9th percentile of my IQ test at age 8. Once that happened, everyone expected I would be great one day. “Sam is going to be the president. Sam is going to cure cancer.” I have heard statements like that my entire life. That is a whole lot of expectations to live up to.
What I hate the most is the social ostracism. Most people just do not understand me. It’s made it really hard to make and keep friends. Especially when I want to just be myself. I can handle only having a few friends though. What I don’t want is to be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t feel compatible with very many people. I’m also intimidating. G doesn’t know my age. I’m afraid of telling him. I’m afraid of explaining how/why I got where I am. It has scared a lot of men away and kept them from even considering me. I can’t keep it a secret though. That’s even worse. I’m honestly just dying to find someone who understands me and the way my brain works. I don’t need a man as smart as I am. I just need a man that accepts how smart I am. Someone who understands that I’m always going to be just a little different and is okay with that. That’s all I really want.