The Maturity Of Emotion

I love the South. Everywhere we go people are so friendly. They welcome us like family and some have even given their condolences. It makes me happy to see how much other people love our school. I feel like I could live here one day, either the south or the Midwest. It’s definitely a very different atmosphere then the northeast. People are just colder there. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the weather.

It’s been a very long day. Currently, we are heading on I-95 towards George Mason. What a lovely road. I drove the last two hours of our journey last night on it. It was late and everyone else was sleeping. I’m the night driver. Partially because I have good vision and also because I have the stamina for it. I was thinking about a comment my teammate made. She said I was “so much older then her.” Its funny, because she is actually three months older than me. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to. She doesn’t know anything about P.

I get comments like that a lot. I wonder what makes a person older then their years. I do feel more mature then a lot of my peers. However, I feel that way because I have been through more trauma then the majority of those my age. Also, sometimes it seems as if my emotions won’t cooperate with my brain. The intelligent, thoughtful part of me knows how to act mature, but I still can’t control my emotions. They push against me a lot and it’s very frustrating. I think my emotional age needs to catch up to my mental age.

I can function at a very high level when my brain is at its best. Lately, I feel like the hurt I feel inside has been clouding everything. I’m getting upset a lot more easily and causing conflict. I’m very unstable. The curse of it all is that I am extremely aware of how unstable my emotions are. I just have not gained the ability to control myself. I’m trying very hard but I feel like its going to take time.


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