The Understanding Of Others

I believe we are all searching for people who understand us. People who see our quirks and eccentricities, and know why they are there. These people become especially important when we find ourselves in a time of crisis. When you’re upset, it’s really nice to have someone around who genuinely knows how you feel. Empathy is constructive; it builds you back up. The knowledge that another person has been there, gone through it and come out okay is extremely comforting. I think feelings of despair and desolation only come about when you are not aware  that there is someone out there who understands. The challenge comes in locating that person. There is a certain level of openness that is necessary to discover the hard truths of another’s life. You have to be willing to share your experiences. No matter how painful that may be.

I certainly was not aware of anyone that understood me until I started blogging. There have been quite a few people that have come out and shared experiences that were similar to mine. I am very thankful to them. They are assisting me through this process of healing just by sharing their story.  I have also discovered another category…people who seem to understand me better then I understand myself. I wonder how this fine tuned knowledge of my inner workings comes to be in their possession. It is simply amazing how some folks out there can read a few blog posts and then completely get someone. I think it’s a rare gift, but a precious one. I certainly don’t possess it. When I read others’ blogs, I can tell a lot about them. But the level of understand a couple of my readers have about me is astounding.

I wonder if there are people that are put on this Earth and they just know us. They just understand us. No explanations needed. I would like whoever I marry to have that knowledge of me. Maybe not possess it right away, but have the ability to. I think it’s really important. Human beings are extremely elaborate creatures. I’d like to be with someone that genuinely comprehends my complexities. And I want to have the ability to grasp theirs. I actually believe this is a very important foundation for a lasting relationship. Not that I know much about marriage. However if someone asked me one of the important keys to lasting love, I would probably tell them what I just told you.


10 thoughts on “The Understanding Of Others

  1. ”The challenge comes in locating that person.”

    I agree that it’s been easier to locate these people through blogging. There is a certain level of anonymity that allows you (well, me) to be more open…It’s also easier for me to be honest in writing than speaking to someone face to face. I don’t know why that is…but it’s always been the way. I can get my thoughts in order and write them down and don’t get flustered or confused when trying to relay them so they make sense. As nice as it would be to have someone in my life have that sort of understanding, I’m not sure I’m capable of being that vulnerable. Only time will tell. I hope you have some of those people in your life though. xo.

  2. And again I too am struck at how similar our world views are, I am looking for that ind of connection I suppose, I just hadnt articulated it like you. And dont doubt your own perception, but realise that in amongst the 6 billion people on the planet, some of us want the same things from life. Not many perhaps, but some. You may not realise it, but your thought process is clear, and your blogging astute.
    And it really chimes with me.

    Keep it up!

    • tell me about it, I have a similar problem.
      Not everyone is equipped to cope with the level of . . . connection, that you (we) think is important. But don’t think it’s impossible, the right person will come along to understand you. I tell you this as I exit a 9 year relationship. Don’t lose hope.

  3. I believe that there are a couple levels of understanding. When we have love for others we seek to understand them. There is something about them that makes us want to know, “What makes you tick?”

    I think some people aren’t particularly insightful but can yet be great supports for us. These people love and care for us. The best they can do is give us hugs. It’s not that they don’t desire to understand more deeply, perhaps it is lack of life experience of lack of a strong intuitive sense or psychological knowledge.

    Then there are those magical people who have “wisdom”. Wisdom coupled with love is the ultimate. To understand someone these people have great insights because of life experience, intuitive senses, and perhaps some education into human psychology.

    I think both forms of understanding are great, but it is indeed a treat when someone goes the extra mile to understand our psychology.

    It has always been hard for me. I have education in counselling and psychology. I know how the mind works and I understand patterns of human behaviour. I find this often can give the “right” answer or therapeutic answer a person needs to help them grow. And yet I have found in my life experience that many people don’t want to hear it, simply because they aren’t ready, and are scared of seeing the scary sides of life, of themselves, and of others. This denial response is natural to human psychology. Change can be very very threatening. In those cases I try to just give hugs. While a hug may not help a person in the same way that a hug coupled with reality will, I find it is necessary to be sensitive to what a person is asking for. This is when intuition comes into play.

    You can’t force “reality” or a deeply analytical response to someone who does not want that. Most people don’t want that until specific moments when change is welcomed. We often only change when our pain is worse than the pain would be to change. And the truth is many people are content to blame their pain on everyone else and get delusional hugs which just reinforce pain. There may be truth that people have hurt a person but it does no good to coddle that pain. The only thing changeable is oneself. Empowering a person is the key to helping someone’s pain lessen.

    In counselling we use the term directive therapy. Directive therapy is when a person is in such a mess that they can’t see clearly and they need to be told, as in “this is what you need to do.” I find that when helping people directive therapy is often the most helpful and yet the least welcomed. But a true friend is honest. There are millions of people to give hugs and if that’s all a person wants, then let the millions give them hugs. But there are those who can give hugs and take a person’s hand and lead them to a better place. I think this is much more powerful in terms of making a lasting impression or betterment on a person’s life.

  4. I have to agree with all of the above – especially cozy…”that many people don’t want to hear it, simply because they aren’t ready, and are scared of seeing the scary sides of life, of themselves, and of others…” SO true. I was helping a friend work through a bad break-up and my advice of “Perhaps it’s time to move on…” was met with the fierce resistance of “…but he was THE ONE…”
    Those who know us, seek out our counsel, but the ones who appreciate us actually listen… if just at least to hear our perspective. Others just want someone to vent to.

    What is interesting is that the timing is profound… I re-initiated the effort to blog just because I wanted to anonymously put out the thoughts that were going through my head… a sort of mental organization and self-therapy. Instead, I find myself reading more and more of the thoughts and ideas of others. As I continue, I’m frequently asking the empty apartment: “Who are you? Why do you get it when no one I am around on a daily basis does?” The next question, inevitably, is: did I walk past this person irritated that they were walking too slow of 6 abreast in a narrow aisle and not even give the slightest thought other than a mumbled curse?

    Dunno, but I’ll keep reading, since it is always food for thought.

    • I definitely agree with your thoughts. It’s amazing how the people out there in cyberspace can jest get it. Anyways, thanks for commenting and keep reading.

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