There Are Monsters Lurking In The Dark

I’ve had a number of people praise me for how honest I am in my blog. I wanted to use this post to address why I’m so honest and why it’s importance to me. This post is going to be slightly graphic. Just as a warning if you don’t want to read it.

Many of my readers already know this, but I’ve been raped. My boyfriend of the time (P) handcuffed me and raped me repeatedly, anally and normally. I cried and begged him to stop. His response was, “Shut up and stop whining.” P was also emotionally and verbally abusive. Once he told me that I was a worthless piece of shit. He said he would be better off hiring a maid because she would be cheaper and could at least keep the apartment clean. And yes, I remained in this relationship. Why? I’m sure that’s what you’re wondering right now. I’ve been asked the question many times. The answer is that abusers know how to make you feel as though you won’t survive without them. They are manipulators. They make you think you are dependent upon them. That is part of their power.

I write about all this blatantly and honestly for one reason: to raise awareness. I want as many people as possible to know my story (anonymously). I want them to know that this isn’t uncommon. There are millions of women out there enduring what I have endured. They need help. Sometimes it just isn’t possible to get out on your own. I certainly would not have been able to do it by myself. When you’re in that position, you have lost all your strength and self esteem. It’s not easy to regain it with just your own willpower. It’s also embarrassing. It’s embarrassing to admit that this is being done to you and you have done nothing to stop it. People who haven’t been there don’t understand that. It’s so easy to think, “Oh that will never happen to me.” But these monsters are everywhere. You’ve met one. I guarantee it. You just don’t know it.

The majority of people that were in both of our lives wouldn’t believe my story about P. It takes an extremely aware person to see behind the facade they put on. Be aware. Don’t be paranoid, but be aware. If you see something that’s not quite right, address it and don’t let it go. That’s what D did with me. He’s the reason I got out the first time. Also, for the men who are reading this, your girlfriend is NEVER obligated to have sex with you. Just because she’s in a relationship with you does not mean she owes you her body. It’s hers and hers alone. Respect that at all times.

To all the women out there who have suffered abuse, please speak up. You don’t have to speak up in your own lives, but don’t be afraid to blog about it anonymously. Tell your story. People will learn from it, both males and females. Maybe if enough of us are heard, it will begin to make a difference. This issue has been kept too quiet for far too long. It’s time for us to shine a spotlight on all the monsters that are lurking in the dark.



6 thoughts on “There Are Monsters Lurking In The Dark

  1. You should read a little about Stockholm Syndrome to understand more about why people stay in situations like this. Your very brave for telling your story, truly you are. It must have been incredibly hard to write.

    • I was about to make a similar reference to Stockholm Syndrome. Those who are abusive (and they can be woman as well as men), become experts at manipulating others as they get more and more practise over time. Also, those who do like to be in control often make sure they target those they think they can more easily manipulate in order to make like “easier” for themselves.

  2. I know you will get over this phase. It takes courage for a person to admit this in public. I know I cannot know or even fathom how you are feeling but as a dear friend always tells me, you are special and you are loved. I want to tell you that. You are special, and you are loved.

  3. I’m sorry to read what you’ve experienced, but I think you are brave in telling your story and for the benefit of others, to raise awareness so that others who are in similar situations can find the strength to get out and start new. Blessings to you!

  4. AMEN!! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I know it will be helpful to many others to see a survivor out there living her life with confidence! Good luck in the future!

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