The Dream Man

My younger brother, I’m going to give him a letter because I talk about him a lot. He’s J. J is fifteen and in his first high school relationship. J has had girlfriends before. A lot of them. He’s already a lady’s man, and he already knows what to say to get girls to do what he wants. It’s kind of scary seeing it from the other side. Anyways, he recently went to the movies with his new girlfriend and some of their friends. I drove him and on the way there I asked, “What are you seeing?” He tells me they’re seeing the new Twilight movie. Of course, I cracked up laughing. Only a teenage boy in lust would sit through Twilight with the hopes of getting some action.

Later, I picked J up and jokingly asked him how the movie was. He gave me a brief description of how lame it was, and then he tells me, “All of the girls say they can’t wait to find their dream guy like Edward.” When he told me that my faith in humanity dropped. I hate to break it to you, young teenage girls, but Edward does not exist. He was created by a female. Which brings me to the subject of this post “The Dream Man”. I’ve read quite a few blog posts of women detailing the man of their dreams. I don’t think these writers realize that this man is not out there. We are female, therefore any idea we have of a man will be distorted by our female brains and hormones. It’s the sad truth. These women are setting themselves up for failure, because they will never find this man. Then they do get in a relationship and they have ridiculously high expectations of their new partner. Of course he doesn’t live up to “The Dream Man”. This can create unhappiness in a relationship and ultimately cause it’s failure.

My friends have asked me on multiple occasions what my dream man is like. I always tell them I don’t know. They insist that I have to know something, and then they proceed to interrogate me about his eyes, hair, personality, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I have preferences, but if my male partner doesn’t meet all of my preferences I’m not going to give up on him. That’s just silly. People can be so much more then you expect. For example, my friend S refuses to date any guys that are shorter then her. She’s six feet tall (literally). I wonder if she realizes how many great men she’s eliminating just because of their height.

My point is that sometimes we need to just let go of what we think our partner should be. Granted, we need to have some basic ideals in the back of our minds. But let him be him. Don’t try and change him. If he’s right for you, he won’t need to be changed. Having high expectations of anyone is setting them up for failure….and setting yourself up for dissatisfaction and unhappiness.


7 thoughts on “The Dream Man

  1. What a great post!

    I wish I was an ‘Edward’. But I’m never going to be.

    What I’ve noticed is some weird mutation of feminism that says to the obese single mother that she can judge to ridiculously high standards. What I’ve noticed is that the flaws people have in themselves are flaws they won’t accept in others.

    Here’s the freakin message people need to get

    Everyone is special. If you can’t appreciate complexity, baggage, brokenness, and a few extra pounds than you are setting yourself up for some fantasy world because these are all part of real life. And yeah, with all the bad and flawed things that are reality there are immensely wonderful good things in EVERYONE. If some people (majority) choose not to look I don’t want to know them. But we all should look and we have to want to look.

    • Don’t be an Edward. You don’t want to be. There are plenty of women out there with realistic expectations. You just have to keep your eye open for them. Also, I agree with you that feminism has gotten a little out of control. I think men and women are equal. Both equally flawed, but both equally beautiful.

  2. I agree wholeheartedly 100%. I think it would actually be relieving for some guys to hear words like that from a girl like you. Most guys, including me, struggle especially in their teen years striving to be “perfect” on the outside yet don’t give their insides much consideration. Girls struggle too, I believe, with similar issues. It goes to show that as humans, regardless of gender, we struggle with similar issues. Great post.

    • Thank you. I agree; I think we all strive to hard to be perfect. We forget that there are people out there who will like us for our true selves. That’s the type of person we should be looking for.

  3. Edward is waaaay overrated. How can a girl handle someone so sappy and brooding all the time?? I agree the requirements for a dream man can be very restricting… I thought I had a “type” at one point but I realized its much easier to be open to all opportunities. If you find yourself inexplicably attracted to someone that doesn’t match your idea of a perfect man.. Go for it anyway! Obviously you’re attracted to them for a reason.

  4. Oh I love you for this post! Have a friend Twilight freak I must say. Meyer has surely spoiled teenage girls and I don’t understand why do they long for someone who is man made- just a fictional character. How are you btw?

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