So this morning I actually forgot about the dream I had last night. For some reason it came back to me later in the day. Here’s what happened:
I was in a strange apartment. It was apparently my home, but I’ve never been there before. My friends lived with me. I started getting texts from P. He was threatening me and he was very angry. He had somehow found out about me seeing D again. I looked out the window of this apartment and P was standing there, waiting for me. I got scared and ran into the bedroom. I could hear him open the door and follow me. I hid in a corner of the bedroom. The bedroom looked like the one I used to stay in at my grandparent’s house. When P opened the door he was different. He was really fat and clearly drunk. At that moment, I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. I stood up and told him to go away. I told him that what I did was none of his business, we were over. P started to bawl. He leaned over and cried on my shoulder. He told me he loved me and he missed me. He wanted to get back together. I started to cry. I told him no. I told him he had to get his life in order, he had to stop drinking, he had to lose weight. He turned and walked out the door, and that’s all I remember.
I like to try to interpret my dreams. But this one is beyond me. I wonder if my subconscious is trying to say something to me. Maybe this is a step in the right direction? It hurt though. Even seeing him in dreams is hard, especially when he’s hurting. Sometimes I wish I could turn off dreams. Sleeping is our body’s time for healing. It’s when cell repair occurs. I feel like it should be when your heart starts to get better too. But dreams like that set me back. They remind me of what I’m trying to forget. Which is why I don’t like going to sleep. I dream every night. I remember most of them. Not knowing what to expect is the hardest part about it. Our subconscious isn’t something we can control.
I guess the moral of this story is we can’t escape our pain. No matter how hard we try. If you ignore it during the day, it will find you at night. I suppose it’s life way of helping us grow. It forces us to face the hurt and learn from it. It’s a good thing. Painful, but positive.