The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

First off, I promise I won’t be keeping up this whole two post a day thing once school starts. But right now, I feel an overwhelming urge to write. And not write my essays for my internship applications. It’s funny how easily I can churn out 500 words on here, but if I’m asked to write about science or research I draw a blank. Oh well, on to the topic of this post…

Each year for New Years Eve my family goes out to dinner and then we see a movie. This year’s movie was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Now I’ve never read the book. If I had, I probably would have insisted on seeing War Horse. If you’ve seen the movie or read the book you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say the rape scene. That was rough for me. More than rough. I nearly had to leave the theater to go vomit. It was like watching my own experience on a gigantic screen…torturous. Not to mention the movie was dark and had a depressing ending.

My dad went out and bought the book. We didn’t completely understand the film so he wanted to read it to get all the details. I’m currently debating reading it. Part of me feels like it would be a really good book. The other part fears to venture into that dark world. Being the curious creature that I am, I will most likely end up reading it. I just hope it doesn’t negatively effect me. I might have to skip over the whole rape ordeal…

Still no word from D. It’s almost the longest period we haven’t talked since we starting speaking again. Needless to say I am quite confused. There’s a very large voice in my head telling me to send him angry text messages. Something along the lines of, “Thanks for fucking me and then disappearing. You of all people should know I deserve better.” I’m refraining from that though. I have learned that reacting to any situation with that much emotion usually does not end well. Right now I’m just trying to remain calm until we talk again (Don’t worry. I have no doubt we will talk again). What I’ll say when that time comes largely depends on what he says so I haven’t over analyzed that one too much.

It would be nice if I had other people to talk to about this. My brother listens, but he’s too young to really offer any advice. My friends/roommates would listen if I forced them to. It’s usually not worth it though. They let me talk about myself for about 5 minutes before they change the subject back to some trivial drama in their lives. Don’t get me wrong I love my friends, but sometimes they are pretty useless. Not to mention college girls are some of the most self centered beings on this Earth. For example, just today I was IMing my roommate S. She asked if I had heard from D, I told her no and then she continued to talk about the random guy she’s been dating over break who she doesn’t even like. I can’t say I was expecting a “How do you feel about that?” or “Are you okay?”, but it would have been nice. I’m just always the one in our group that’s okay. The rock everyone leans on. They just automatically assume I’m fine. That’s okay I suppose. I’d rather that then them worrying about me all the time. I could be more transparent about my emotions. However, I don’t really want to do that. Masking what I feel is a large part of how I protect myself from hurt. It works well, and I’m not ready to give it up yet.


6 thoughts on “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

  1. Make It Orange,

    Read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I was at the airport this weekend and I saw about 50 people with it in their hands. Must be something good in it, right?
    About D, completely get it. Hate it because NO, there really isn’t anyone out there to talk to about these things. Not anyone that will listen, REALLY listen anyway.
    I’ll take the liberty of giving my so called advice, take it, leave it.. I give it with good intentions.
    Text him. Say what you feel, fuck it. Guys are weird, they think differently than we do. They don’t over-analyze these things like we do. Don’t really take hints well either, so.. do it. Text him. What’s the worst that can happen anyway? He won’t text back.. but at least you tried right.
    I agree with the college girls suck. You can’t ever make a decent friend without them being extremely egotistical. But remember that at the end of the day they do care. We all care, we just all swear that life revolves around ourselves I suppose. Don’t let them assume you’re fine though, especially if you’re not. They’ll listen. You know how I feel.. I feel if I let go just a little of my feelings, they will be on a silver plate for someone to chew up as they please. What I have learned is that there are people that are worth handing the silver platter over to. Recognizing them is the hard part I suppose. I have rambled on enough, I guess I felt like talking too.

    – J

    • J, I really appreciate the advice. Feel free to comment on any of my posts. Advice is definitely something I’m desperate for these days which is why I blog so much. Thank you so much.

  2. Wow. I am new to wordpress and I uploaded a crap load of things I wrote over time. I had it all on a blog that my facebook friends had access to and I decided it was not really a good idea to put that stuff out there where ppl actually know who I am, so I transferred everything on here and didn’t tell anyone.

    I was going through my comments and stats and you made a comment on one of my posts. I as so glad you did because I clicked on your blog to see what it is about. Even though I am commenting here my comments are on your blog in general. I went back to What Am I to you (so far). You write so well and I feel a connection with what you are saying and feeling. Sometimes it is good to know that you are not the only person feeling screwed up on the inside. hurting. Even though the jerk I was dating told me all the time this pain is not normal, and I know he is not right on that, it feels good to confirm that. You are right there are a lot of people hurting and using blogs as therapy. I also liked memoirsoffemma’s comments. I am not sure if I would text the guy though because sometimes if you give a guy an “in” he will take it and do nothing more than take it and carry on with his life as if it didn’t happen. I have learned that the hard way. If you haven’t heard from him, leave well enough alone. You already know the most important thing about him. He is uncaring about your feelings and he is selfish. You don’t need to know anything else about him.

    • Ms. Pinky, thank you so much reading my stuff. I also appreciate your advice. I’m probably not going to text D. I feel the same way about him at this point. Best of luck with your blogging. Feel free to leave me comments whenever you like.

  3. Definitely don’t text him! By the way, all your posts are making me respond too much, haha. I like offering another perspective to you because I know you like reading it. It’s always nice to see there’s a comment on a blog. Keep staying strong. With the ex, I kept thinking “fuck it, I already lost him so why not make it worse” and would text him things I probably shouldn’t have. Nothing too crazy, but he has no tolerance for anything like that. Be the adult that you are and hold back. But in being that adult, don’t make the same mistake again. If you ever let him know how hurt you are, make it sincere. Don’t make it all angry bitch. Men don’t respond well to that. They think, “Man, she’s a crazy bitch. I made the right choice.” If he knew enough to know better than to drop you, then he should know enough to feel bad if you genuinely let him know you’re hurt. Now may not be the time. But if that time never comes up to let him know, then you’re not missing out on having him in your life. Sometimes people come into your life briefly and you share something you thought was special and it’s gone. It’s something you just have to accept and not be angry about. That hurt will teach you something. It’ll teach you to be more cautious next time around. Don’t trust people before they earn it. About the movie, I loved it. Glad I didn’t see it with my parents. That rape scene was intense. It was horrible. For you to experience anything like that in your life and be able to handle yourself in the manner that you do now is amazing. Well done, girl. Well done.

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