No word from D in 3 days. He hasn’t been online where we usually IM. He hasn’t texted me. I know he went back to school on Thursday, back to his ex-girlfriend who he still sees. That’s probably why I haven’t heard from him. That hurts though. It’s like he’s withdrawing from the great night we had together. He’ll be back though. This isn’t over. I have no doubt about that. But how long do I have to wait? How long should I let him string me along? I don’t want to add more pain to the enormous heap of hurt I’m already trying to deal with. All I want is some transparency. Our relationship is mysterious, a grey area. There is no black and white anywhere. I just want to know how he feels about me. Though I fear asking the question, because I fear the answer. Not to mention there’s a large chance he would still conceal his feelings even if I asked. So what can I do, but sit here and wait? It certainly is frustrating. My take charge, get it done, solve the problem personality revolts against sitting idol and waiting for something to happen.
I certainly have been very idol. I think that’s why my brain’s getting so wrapped up in all this. I’m on Winter Break from school right now, so I have no classwork to worry about. Not to mention, I’ve been feeling ill lately so I haven’t been able to work out or run like I normally do. If you are ever stressed about anything, I highly recommend exercise. It releases endorphins that make you feel happy. Not to mention if you work your body to physical exhaustion, you won’t be able to worry about anything else. It’s been one of my best coping methods. Physical pain is definitely preferable to emotional pain in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exercise to the point of injury. But when I work out, I go hard and it’s very effective. I need to start feeling better so I can do it again. I have a feeling I’ll be much more relaxed about everything that’s going on with D.