When Fantasy Becomes Reality


I’m seeing D in a few hours, and I am SO nervous. Normally, I’m a pretty confident person, but for some reason all day I’ve felt like I’m going to throw up. It’s not like I never envisioned this happening. I’ve been thinking about it for months. I guess I just never really expected for my fantasies to become real. Now it’s time and I can barely contain my apprehension. The nerves are mostly due to insecurity. This probably sounds silly, but I’m afraid he won’t think I’m attractive anymore. I really haven’t changed at all in the past year which makes the fear even more ridiculous and unfounded. I feel stupid even writing about this. But I can’t help it, so I have to be honest with myself and try to figure out why I feel this way. I suppose the insecurity stems from P telling me he doesn’t love me anymore and then leaving. I guess that’s made me feel a little “not good enough”. There’s really no way D is going to tell me I’m ugly and turn me away. My mind’s gotten the best of me with this one. I feel a bit calmer just mulling this over in a blog post. Well, hopefully everything goes okay. I’ll be sure to write about it tomorrow!

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